Top 5 (should’ve been) Achievements / Trophies

Looking back on my long gaming career, I’m pretty certain I would have the most Gamerscore of anyone on the planet… provided that the modern Achievement/Trophy system of modern consoles applied to pretty much everything. The point I make is that my gaming accomplishments from years gone by don’t have their own public statistics page for everyone to see, which pisses me off to be frank. So what if you got a Platinum Trophy or 1000 Gamerscore for completing some dumb game on the hardest difficulty? In my day, we done crazier shit and had bugger all to show for it… until now.

5. Panzer Dragoon Saga – buy the game. 50GS/Silver Trophy

Nothing stands better as a testament for your love of gaming than good old fashioned cash. When I back tracked the Sega Saturn’s library a few years ago, I discovered a long lost RPG that ensured the dying console left its mark in history. After talking with a friend regarding my interest in purchasing this treasure, he replied – “not a chance lad, not unless you’d pay well over a hundred quid for an old game on a crappy console”. Guess what? He was wrong. Or rather he overestimated my intelligence. Don’t tell me a videogame is out of my reach, because it aint… ever.

4. Final Fantasy VII – breed a gold chocobo. 75GS/Silver Trophy

Anyone who has ever done this will be fit to tell you how mind numbingly boring it is to achieve. Especially after beasting the game three times to confirm the Knights of the Round clearly isn’t essential to beat the final boss. Without a guide, this reduced my teen age brains to scrambled eggs.

3. Metal Gear Solid Series – understand the barmy storyline. 100GS/ Gold Trophy

I’m not ashamed to admit it, but when the Metal Gear series got more convoluted than Charlie Sheens brain, I didn’t give up and just focus on the gameplay like every other normal person. No sir. I memorised characters, organizations and the lot. Then, when something new popped up that contradicted some other minute detail, I’d spew my thoughts on the web and figure it out. It clicked for all of five seconds.

2. GTA 3, Vice City and San Andreas – 100% complete. 200GS/ Platinum Trophy

Achievements in open world games rarely appeal to me now since I completed all these three games to 100% with nothing to show for it. Without cheats or guides (with the exception being San Andreas to find all the collectibles). In that era, my budget for videogames was tight, so I squeezed every last minute I could out of every one of them. It took well over 200 hours to nab this achievement, dumb mini games and virtual girlfriends included. If I could, I’d send you a link to my Achievement list but… I CAN’T!

1. Resident Evil – finish with Jills good ending without the Rocket Launcher… in less than an hour. 1000GS/ Platinum Trophy

As a game that scared the hell out of me as a kid, I became determined to conquer my fears by beating its ass… over and over again, as it happened. Soon, I began to realise that this initially difficult game was easily grasped with enough practice. The trick was to treat it like a lightning mental challenge rather than a slow paced adventure with scary shit. With literally every room mapped out in my brain, I ran from one end to the other without stopping to breathe. The time? A phenomenal  51 minutes and 33 seconds, probably both my saddest and happiest gaming moment rolled into one. And what did I get for it? Absolutely nothing.

And you know what? I didn’t care. I remember myself sitting there in the room all alone, punching the air with glee, happy with my own self having doing something that, for all I knew, could’ve been a fecking world record. That, my friends, is enough.

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