If there is one thing I will take from the last year in gaming, it’s that the industry hates wildlife – absolutely despises it. If you happen to live anywhere near a major developer, all I can say is this; keep your dog indoors…..especially if you live anywhere near any of those lunatics over at Ubisoft. Those guys seem particularly keen on the death of all things soft and fluffy.
You doubt me? Why else would I have spent so many of my gaming hours shooting sharks with an assault rifle or taking down bears with a bow and arrow? I can only assume that they are preparing us for the day that the worlds wildlife turns on us and attempts to take over. I don’t know, maybe they took Tokyo Jungle to heart?
From Lara Croft’s inexplicable ability to improve her abilities by killing chickens to Connor’s (insert native Indian name here) love of forest-wide murdering sprees, it seems that the videogame industry has it in for just about every species of wildlife out there.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve found all that hunting rather enjoyable, but deep down, I’m concerned that they are desensitising me to the needless killing of anything walking on all fours. It all seems like fun and games now, but don’t come crying to me the next time you’re looking for an energy boost and you end up killing a goat instead of drinking a can of Red Bull. Perhaps you’ll need a new wallet and instead of taking the obvious route of popping into a local department store, you’ll find yourself subconsciously making your way to the local zoo with a bread knife in your hand.
Hey, maybe I’m taking this all too seriously, maybe it is just about the games, but honestly, I find the thought of a Sonic the Hedgehog / Far Cry 3 crossover just as concerning as any of the above. Either way, disturbing times lay ahead.
Saying that, I’d pay good money to play a game in which I hunt Sonic the Hedgehog with a bow and arrow…….dear God, they’ve already got me.