I genuinely didn’t know what to expect when going into Mini Golf Resort. I figured it would be just a standard mini-putt game although part of me fantasized the idea that it would be a Sim Building game akin to Rollercoaster Tycoon or more specifically Golf Resort Tycoon. What I didn’t expect above all, was that it would be a bad game, but boy was I wrong; Mini Golf Resort is terrible, and you know you’ve done bad when you couldn’t even get mini-putt right.
There is just so much wrong with this game, it’s actually unbelievable. The game begins by having the player create a misshapen, monstrous character that looks nothing like the people in the game’s art. The character creation is ultimately pointless, since you only ever see your character standing gormlessly at the beginning of each hole; during game proper, your putter floats on it’s own, as if possessed by a ghost. After the meaningless character creation you’re presented with a globe to choose one of three maps, so the “resort” part of “Mini Golf Resort” is more suggestive than literal (the game couldn’t even get it’s name right).
And the fun doesn’t stop there folks, Mini Golf Resort is terrible right down to it’s game design. Not a single thing about this game is explained in any capacity. There’s no direction in the world design so you essentially pick any course at random. There’s no tutorial to explain the game’s control scheme so you just have to guess, and even when you figure it out it’s terrible.
The game gives players a power bar where they can choose how powerful a shot will be, but there’s no telling how far the ball will go, especially with the games wonky ball physics that makes it seem like the ball weighs 10 tons. There’s no geometry lines to assist with bounces, no ability to see the entire course to plan your stroke strategically, the game is 99% just hit the ball and hope for the best.
It also doesn’t help that this game is incredibly ugly. Like a lot of bad indie games, the game is horribly presented, most notably in the ball which is just a white ball the slides along the ground, and falls through the world when out-of-bounds. Level design is bland and uninspired, but I guess that’s what happens when you try to come up with “over 1001” courses, and the layout of several holes is woefully tedious when paired with the game’s horrible controls. Considering Mini Golf Resort initially came out on the Wii in 2010, and it didn’t look good then, it’s amazing that this somehow looks worse.
Mini Golf Resort is a travesty that has no business existing on a system that has an incredible Mario Golf on it, but actually has several indie golf games already in the eShop. Even for $5, you can do much better. Heck, for $10 you can go to an actual Mini Putt and have a supremely better time.
REVIEW CODE: A complimentary Nintendo 3DS code was provided to Brash Games for this review. Please send all review code enquiries to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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